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Overwhelmed… in the best way. I’m taken aback by all of your messages of ki…

Overwhelmed… in the best way. 💕 I’m taken aback by all of your messages of kindness and support from my post about my deliveries with my two children. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’ve read your comments, and I felt them in every fiber of my being. I share even further to really explain what happened during my labor and deliveries. To better relate to YOU. And so you can better relate to ME. With my daughter, Avery, I was induced at 40 weeks, 5 days. 34 hours of labor. 4 failed epidurals. Non-stop vomiting. A failed vacuum suction. And finally, an emergency c-section. I blacked out on the table. And I found myself not able to breathe. In that moment, I thought I was dying. Truly, dying. If you’ve ever been near-death, you know this feeling. I begged to God, as tears streamed heavily down my face, to save me. To not let my husband have to parent this little baby girl alone. To not have my baby girl without a momma. And then, I blacked out. My doctor said my body was… done. So exhausted from my prolonged labor and delivery that I passed out entirely. It was also 3:41 in the morning. I never got to see Avery be born. I missed all of it. And I felt like a failure. Something in me was missing. I had a new baby, but I was in such shock with what just happened that I couldn’t focus on her. I still needed answers about what I just went through. But no one seemed to care. I was just supposed to move on. And let it go. I missed her birth. Her first cry. Our skin to skin immediately after. All of it. (Cont. in comments)