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Cockroaches and other obnoxious Valentine’s Day gifts for your ex

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(CNN) — If you’re heartbroken this Valentine’s Day, you could be the bigger person and avoid sending your ex an unsolicited gag gift.

But if you decide not to take the high road this year, there are plenty of options to choose from.

Please give responsibly.

Name a cockroach after your ex

For just $5, the San Antonio Zoo will name a cockroach after your former significant other and feed it to a bird, reptile or mammal. It’s part of the zoo’s “Cry Me a Cockroach” event on Valentine’s Day.

For $20 more, you can even have zookeepers feed a frozen rat to a reptile. If that’s too intense, the zoo offers a $5 herbivore option that consists of romaine lettuce, cabbage and other leafy greens that can be fed to vegetarian animals.

The event will be livestreamed by the San Antonio Zoo on Facebook Live, and you’ll get a certificate to share on social media. Your money will go towards an expansion of the Zoo’s habitat for jaguars.

Decorate a litter box with the name of your ex

The Lexington Humane Society in Kentucky had a very on-the-nose idea to let your ex know how crappy your relationship was.

For $10, you can let the shelter know via Facebook which name you’d like them to write inside a litter box for an adorable kitty to do its business on.

They call it “retripootion,” and the society has raised nearly $1,800 so far with the stinky idea.
Several other shelters have similar

For the ‘couch potato’ ex

We’re in the middle of a pandemic and there are no plans to be canceled these days, so this is not a dig at people who are being safe and practicing social distancing as required by the circumstances.

But if your ex was never interested in leaving the couch to make memories with you in the Before Times, Anonymous Potato will print any face onto a potato and add a custom message. For less than $20, this is an option to consider.

Move on, already

Maybe they’re still not over you. If that’s the case, send them a free trial membership to a dating app. Do some good. Help them get on with their lives.