Take Two: Every day now holds new meaning

Editor’s Note: Take Two is a series of blog posts chronicling the experiences of three WISH-TV anchors (Lauren Lowrey, Kylie Conway and Amber Hankins) who have been pregnant together in 2018. Each woman is expecting her second child and each will have a baby boy.

This post has been reprinted from Amber’s Facebook page. It has been edited for formatting.

INDIANAPOLIS (WISH) — This is love.This is life. This is 36. 

I’m celebrating a birthday today. And this year, it holds so much meaning. On July 16, I was the closest I’ve ever been to not making it. To losing my life. To not ever seeing this little boy and losing the privilege of being his mommy. His mommy and my little girl’s.

Every day now holds new meaning. Every moment, so much sweeter. I look in these innocent eyes and just smile. I cannot imagine not seeing this precious baby boy grow up or watch his big sister openly embrace her new role in our family.

Weeks after Ledger’s birth, the “what if’s” would make me cry a bucket of tears. 

What if he didn’t have a mommy to comfort him when he cried?

What if Avery had to hear the words, “Mommy’s not coming home?”

What if my husband had to learn to be a single dad, raising two little ones on his own?

What if. What if.

I’d play these scenarios in my head and my heart would break over and over again.

Some might say, “don’t do that, focus on the good and what is.” And while that’s true, a part of me needed to understand the reality of it all. To let it sink in and then let it all go. And I did.

Today, I’m celebrating. Celebrating my life of 36 years and his of nearly two months. Celebrating the fact that I’m here, he’s here and together, we are thriving.

Please know that getting older is a blessing. It means being given another year to see and appreciate all of the everyday moments in your life. And then basking in them so fiercely that they become a permanent part of your heart.

This, my friends, is 36. This right here.

And for the first time in my life, I can honestly say I cannot wait to make it to 40.