Indy Style

How to make the most of National Compliment Day, 3 mistakes parents make when complimenting their kids

Today on Indy Style, Melissa Jones, founder of the Girls Positivity Club joined us to help you get you ready for Sunday’s national compliment day with some advice on how to give them and receive them.

1. Overdoing it: When parents compliment their children too much, it loses its value. Think about complimenting your child daily, but be intentional about the types of compliments you give instead of complimenting every good deed or action.

2. Focusing on achievement only: A lot of times parents will compliment their child on the end goal like the A on the test or the finished product of a project.  Try complimenting kids’ effort instead of only their achievements 

3. Saying “good job”: This doesn’t mean that you never tell your child they’re doing a good job.  It means that the language you choose is important.  Try being specific in your compliments.  Instead of saying, “Good job on that project!” try “You  worked a long time on that!” Ask your child questions about their work and use the compliment to learn more about what they’re doing.

Try these starters:

Tell me how you decided… 

How did you choose…

3 Brain and Emotional Benefits of intentional Complimenting 

  1. Dopamine- associated with motivation, focus, positivity, and signals to the brain to do it again

2. Striatum- the chemical that releases a rewarding feeling in the brain that gives the same reaction as getting cash

3. Serotonin- regulates your mood and improves overall happiness 

How 5 compliment languages that will improve relationships in families

  1. Focus on effort instead of achievement- compliment a specific task that was a process
  2. Ask questions about what your child is working on and compliment their ideas
  3. Positive Results- “You got dressed fast and that made it so easy to…”
  4. Kindness- Tell how the kindness made the other person feel
  5. Empowerment-give them compliments that build self-esteem and help them see that you see the  good every day

3 ways women/girls reject compliments and how to break the cycle:

  1. Responding with a return compliment- “No, you’re amazing!” Instead, try “Thank you” and leave it at that.  Accept the compliment with grace.
  2. Minimizing the compliment- “It was no big deal.” Accept that it’s ok and not bragging if you receive a compliment and again, say thank you. 
  3. Give someone else the credit- “It was a group effort,” sends the message that you don’t think you were good enough for the compliment. Be ok with someone noticing your accomplishment.  The more you practice accepting compliments and simply being grateful for them, the easier it will become to receive them. 

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